Back to square one

Well.
Yesterday we met with our social worker for our homestudy. Finally. It's been a process getting in to see her. We recently received the news that she is retiring soon. Soon meaning in May. When we sent in our initial application, we thought we'd be well into the process by this point in time. Little did we realize she'd only be in the office one day per week. Little did we know that she would get sick, then we would get sick, and so for us to even get together for our first meeting, three weeks would pass by.
What I did know is that my gut instinct wasn't feeling too great about all of this. I wasn't sure what exactly was bothering me; perhaps the unknown of who would take over once she retires. Perhaps the unknown of how we're going to pay this upfront. I just knew that something wasn't quite right, and that, in fact, of the two agencies I had narrowed it between when choosing, I chose this based on "logic" reasoning instead of "gut" reasoning.
How many times must I ignore gut instinct before I finally learn?

We had the meeting, and without boring you with too many details, what she basically told us is this. Because we have young children at home, the coordinator for our state (who oversees all adoptions) will be closely scrutinizing us. Because we have young children, this person will be a "bulldog" and really scrutinize us and perhaps deny us the ability to move forward with our adoption. Because we have young children, this person insists that we need a psych evaluation prior to beginning our homestudy process.
She says that before we can move forward, we must have the psych eval completed, then the agency will hold a clinical staffing, then,if they approve us, they will contact us to set something up.
And, oh, by the way, don't forget I retire in May, and we haven't hired my replacement, but just so you know, I'm not going to be the social worker on your case but I'm sure we'll have someone else available to do so.

Gut instinct. Next time, when something doesn't feel quite right, I trust my gut instinct.

I left devastated. The mister was kind and calm, reminded me that they are just doing their job, and that it will all work out.
I don't settle for "wait and see."

Today, I decided to start looking into other agencies. Initially I felt defeated, as my search was not going well. Then, I remembered... this agency, and one other, were both tied as my 1st choice agencies.

So, I called the other one. I spoke with the international homestudy coordinator. I gave her our family dynamic information. I told her the specifics of this particular adoption. I let her know we already have another agency that we are assuming to work with.
I asked her about "the bulldog", and if it sounded as if we may be an issue because we have young  children.
Just as I suspected, she said no, this did not sound at all like a reason we'd be denied moving forward.
I asked, if we were to change agencies, should we go ahead and have the psych eval, because "the bulldog" was asking for it.
She answered that no, it is not "the bulldog" who asks for this, but the agency itself. And in fact, this agency does not require a psych evaluation. In fact, as soon as we apply, we will have an appointment set up to begin, and the expected time to completion is 90 days (with expedited services available if necessary.)

We've already lost three weeks with agency #1. Three weeks that Our Girl has missed out on a family to call her own. Three weeks gone without really any reason for it to be this way.
I refuse to wait any longer. We are switching agencies.

The downside is that this one is slightly higher in upfront costs. The upside is that we no longer need to pay $850 for a psych evaluation that apparently isn't required by "the bulldog" after all. I am not sure as to why this social worker has been dishonest with me. Her story wasn't adding up, and I kept pressing, trying to find out if she has reservations. As I told both social workers, I do not mind being scrutinized. In my field, I have worked with very (very very very) dysfunctional families, and I certainly understand the concern for making sure a child is going to be placed in the right family. The fact that she had never met us, however, leads me to believe her she has let her personal assumptions get in the way of her professional abilities, and therefore she was casting judgement on our decision based on her personal preference.
Switching agencies now, I believe, will save a lot of heartache and lost time.

As I told her in our meeting, these children are sitting in orphanages. Even in the best orphanage out there, they are still living day to day without families. Without parents to care for them when they feel sick, without a mom or dad to hug them when they have a nightmare. Our Girl sits waiting, all alone, year after year, not even aware of what she is missing.
I just want her home.

So, even though we are back to square one, and I am terribly frustrated, disappointed, and annoyed, I do find myself driven to fight for her that much harder, and it just solidifies in my heart that I know this child is my daughter. And frankly, I need my daughter to come home to her mama.