Things that You Say...

Sometimes we say things without realizing how offensive the comments can be. Here's a little list of things that we have heard; since we are close to bringing our daughter home (yay!) I thought this might be a nice time to share my list of:

"Things That You Say That Make Me Cringe"

Down or Down's Syndrome? 

Down syndrome was first written about (and therefore named after) a man named John Langdon Down. He did not have Down syndrome, he does not own it in some way, so therefore, the correct term is Down syndrome. (This doesn't actually make me cringe but is good to know.)

Shorthand commonly written as DS or Ds.

How severe is she?

Down syndrome is not an illness. There aren't levels of "severity"; you've either been born with Down syndrome, or you haven't. Yes, there are different IQ levels... just like with everyone else. Mama Bear is gonna get offended pretty much anytime you make an implication regarding the IQ of her child. This goes for ANY Mama Bear, not just those that are parents of a child with Ds.

She's a Down's baby/kid

A person can HAVE Down syndrome. Person-first language may seem nitpicky at first, but think about it. Do you identify the "Glasses lady", or the "Diabetes sister?" No... you know the lady with the glasses, or you have a sister with diabetes... you don't put that person's entire identity into one aspect of their lives. For me personally, when I hear someone say "a Down's baby" all I can think to myself is "this person clearly doesn't care about anything beyond the fact that this baby has Down syndrome, and no matter what I say they aren't going to get past the fact that this kid happens to have Ds." It isn't their identity, it is just a part of their lives. Not good, not bad... just a part of what makes up that person's existence.

She suffers from Down's

Down syndrome isn't an illness. It's (in most cases) an additional 21st chromosome (three instead of two,) the result of which is certain characteristics. These characteristics are not bad, and they don't equate to suffering, being a victim, or being afflicted. A person with Down syndrome might suffer with a heart condition (common to Down syndrome), just like any other person might suffer with a heart condition. A person with Down syndrome may be a victim of teasing, just like any other person might be a victim of teasing. Do you see where I'm going with this? Elisha is a person with an extra 21st chromosome. But besides that, she is a kid. She's a person, no different than any other person. She could have special needs, just like any other person can have special needs. She might be good at some things and not good at other things... same as anyone else.

The M word; The R word

We all immediately know what the N word is, and I (hope) that it completely disgusts and offends anyone to hear it. Why? Because it is derogatory, degrading, used to slander a person or people in a way strictly because of one characteristic of their being (in this case, the color of their skin.)

What about the R word? Are you just as offended? Do you even know what word am I referring to? We don't grow up being taught that it has the same impact that the N word has on people. Why not? If you are talking in a medical setting, using the term "mentally retarded" may be appropriate (the last population of students that I taught were diagnosed as mentally retarded due to IQ levels; however, I'm not sure that the term is still even in use at this point, and I believe the label has changed, though I'm sure medical professionals would still be using the MR terminology.) However, mostly the R word is NOT being used in a medical setting. Which means, when you say it, you are using a term that is just as offensive as the N word.

Why? Well, because the purpose of the term is the same; it is used to degrade and to bring a person down.

But isn't it technically correct? Well, no. A person who has Down syndrome may have developmental or cognitive delays, but this does not mean they are retarded (delayed) in all areas of development.

So what about the M word? I had to look up the history of the term mongoloid to figure out how it even came into play. (Simply put, it was first used in the 1700's as one of five races of people; Down used the term because of what he viewed as an almond-shaped eye similarity.) The term has been out of use since the 1960's and is considered extremely rude and offensive (not to mention completely inaccurate.) Please don't ever, ever use this word around me. Thanks.

How does she compare to normal kids?

Elisha IS a normal kid. She doesn't have a normal life right now; she lives in an orphanage, and she doesn't have a family. There is nothing normal about that. But she isn't abnormal in some way. She will have delays, some because of having Down syndrome, others because she has spent the first (nearly) four years of her life in an institution. But particularly in regards to her having Down syndrome, she isn't "abnormal". People with Down syndrome have feelings, learn new things, have likes and dislikes... just like anyone else.

They are such happy people!

Yes, some people with Down syndrome are very happy. Others are not very happy. JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE. Having Down syndrome doesn't have anything to do with a person's level of happiness. (Think about that one for a minute... that's just plain silly, isn't it?) I've also heard about people with Down syndrome being unusually strong. (Again, let's think about that... Down syndrome equals super-human strength? REALLY? Does that make ANY sense?) I used to teach teenagers with developmental delays, and trust me when I say, they are more alike than different than typically developing peers. I had the same issues with my students as all the other teachers had: arguments between friends, love triangles, laziness, disinterest in schoolwork... all the typical teenage dilemmas were found in my classroom the same as any other. Don't ever assume because a person's IQ is lower that it somehow equates to less or altered ability to feel human emotions!

Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts! Please feel free to ask questions or share comments of things that make you cringe, too.