Now, at 1:15am, I think I've found my voice.
I'm just wishing she were home.
That's all.
It's not about money. Not about the fundraising ideas I come up with, as I realize with desperation that we will be traveling soon and still have a lot of funds needed before we can relax.
It's not about who approves, who doesn't approve, who supports us, who ignores us. Is it sad to see the elephant in the room and realize you'd better not mention it's there? Yeah. Does it hurt when people you've called friends for years suddenly no longer have anything to do with you? If this were a belly pregnancy, there'd be a lot of "Congratulations" and "How do you feel?" comments. With a paper pregnancy, that all changes, and you instead feel like the outcast unwed teen who got herself knocked up... really, not that I've been in that position, but somehow I feel like sometimes we're supposed to be "ashamed" of our decision.
That stuff impacts me.
But, in the end, it's just about getting her here. I'm just ready for my daughter to be home.
Every little obstacle feels like a hill that we must trudge. We make it over one hill, and rejoice over the smooth path that lies ahead. Then suddenly, we look up and realize we are again at another hill.
It's not impossible; it's not a mountain. It's just another hill that slows us down and makes us weary.
Right now, our hill is with immigration.
Apparently, (according to our officer,) there was some glitch in the immigration system. Not just at the place we had our fingerprints done, but in the entire immigration system. Our fingerprints are showing up in the computer system, but the results, from what I understand, are taking time to be processed because of the glitch. What we were told would take two days has now been eight days.
Really?
As frustrated as I am, I'm trying to make lemonade out of lemons, and accomplish anything on my end so that we don't cause any further delays.
And, of course, I'm trying to remember to fix my eyes on Him, let Him lead the way, and trust that I'm not the one creating the path, so there is no reason to worry.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
8 comments:
oh honey, i cant even imagine the ache to have her in your arms!! and as for lack of support...i cant get it!! hy oh why dont people see you are actually doing something that's like a pure bit of heaven right here on earth...and that costs, emotionally and financially! if i had any spare money i would literally write you a cheque right now!!! iwill pray and send my love and please message me when you do a fundraiser and i will post about it xxxxxxxxxxxx
I love the part of the verse that states, in all your ways acknowledge him...the good things, the bad things, the elephant in the room things, in all ways acknowledge that He is part of each situation. Love you, friend and praying for your every need to be met.
It might just be a sign from the Lord. A lack of $$. Immigration problems (systemic or otherwise). Lack of or loss of support from otherwise lovely, long-term, supportive and loving friends. A message you are choosing to IGNORE. A loud message. An oh so clear message. Going UNHEARD!!
Oh Sarah-
Ive been reading that Proverbs verse nearly every night for a while now. The rollercoaster seriously is NOT fun! And I agree, I'll be relieved when he is home...and not before.
As for the naysayers, ignore them. God is not naysaying - and He is the one that matters!
Goodness I do know how you are feeling. I just have to keep believing that with Him all things are possible.
You said it very well. I totally get what you're saying. My thoughts are with you.
We can be frustrated together :). I wish I could say I didn't have stories like the ones you are talking about with our friends and family (actually, just the latter), but we do. It really is hard for me not to let it get me down.
Sarah, I am so sorry that you are discouraged! Keep fighting the good fight sister.
He (the LORD) executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing.
Deuteronomy 10:18
Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute. Psalm 82:3
"(Jesus speaking) I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
John 14:18
I know that it is so easy to doubt in the midst of everything. But God is in the redeeming business. This is his heart! Just know that He approves of you and loves you (and your daughter) more than you can imagine. He went literally to hell and back to show us his love. His ransom cost him everything and all the while there were plenty of haters (or hatas) along the way, and He was God. Praying for you, that he gives you beauty for these ashes. :) love!
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